i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it fun? or sober?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
