if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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