I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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