This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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