You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
