Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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