Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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