you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There r osticjed everywhere
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
