my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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