Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
