This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
