wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
