Will you blow on my dice?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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