We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
