I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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