the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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