I have demons in me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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