One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
