Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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