Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
