Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
