Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
