I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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