you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
