DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
