He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
