oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
