HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
