So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
