nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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