why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
