I am spending my child support on dildos
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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