Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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