he wants to bone in the snuggie
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
