I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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