he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
