Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
