Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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