Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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