alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
