I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
