"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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