i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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