Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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