i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
