somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
