You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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