2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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