Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
