We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
