But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
