My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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