i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize