I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
