my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
