Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my poor anus
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
