I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize