It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
