I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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