Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your penis caused this!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize